To pee or not to pee

You may find this disgusting and even a bit disturbing, but I’m going Thursday to be outfitted with a special Super Bowl catheter.

That’s right – a catheter.

Why? Because the truth is there are no bathroom breaks once the game kicks off. In the old days – and this is still true with all other sporting events – you took your potty break during the commercials.

That, however, is no longer an option, because those multi-million-dollar ads have become just as much part of the event as the game itself. They are a cultural institution all to their own.

Everyone looks forward to the Super Bowl commercials. Often that’s how you get your wife or girlfriend to watch the game with you. I mean, how often do you hear someone say, “I can’t wait to see the commercials.”? Just one time a year, and that’s now, the week before the big event when all the hype is ragging.

And unlike the game itself, the commercials turn out few duds. When there are flops, there’s sure to be one or two ads that shine and become the talk of the office the following Monday. This year CareerBuilder is bringing back those popular workplace monkeys and Pizza Hut will have an ad featuring the Muppets, with Miss Piggy and Jessica Simpson wearing matching outfits. Plus, you know there will be an appearance by the King – the Burger King, that is. He can’t leave the building at this point.

And let’s hope to goodness we see the GoDaddy.com girl again this year. What a big splash that company made with its ‘05 ads, heh? This year’s ads must be hotter than ever because ABC keeps rejecting each GoDaddy ad it is sent. No matter really, the publicity is sure to drive those interested to the GoDaddy Web site where viewers can watch all the sexy ads in their entirety – this includes the Web exclusives – any time and as many times as desired. I highly recommend the new window washer commercial.

So, why are these commercials usually so interesting? It’s simply because companies must pay big money to get just a precious few seconds of air time. So naturally they want to get the most bang from their bucks. And it must me worth the price because every year, the cost for spots increase and companies don’t even blink at shelling out even more dough. This year Super Bowl ads are priced at around $2.5 million for a 30-second spot. In case you’re keeping score or the price of TV ads for big-time sporting events, that figure dwarfs the meager $750,000 a spot the Winter Olympics on NBC are commanding.

The Super Bowl Sunday price is juiced by the fact that everyone has their eyes focused on that big plasma screen when the game is on. With the NFL season culminating into one big spectacular championship game and the promise of seeing some kick-butt commercials, companies know they have a huge captive audience. This year’s game is expected to grab 90 million viewers, and the last time I checked, seven of the top 10 TV programs of all-time have been Super Bowls.

So, for example, if you’re Pizza Hut, that’s a lot of eyeballs watching super babe Jessica Simpson hump your business. To me, that’s priceless.

So are you set four five hours of watching the Steelers and Seahawks and a dozen of fun, dazzling, creative, heart-warming, expensive commercials?

I’m almost ready.

So, if you’ll please excuse me, I need to get plenty of rest before I have the catheter installed. I sure hope the thing doesn’t leak. I’d hate to have a spill at the Super Bowl party and then have to clean up the mess with some Steelers fan’s Terrible Towel.

Note: You, too, can get your own catheter without going to the doctor. Numerous Web sites offer catheters and other urological supples. Ameds.com is one such company with a large product line. Follow this link to see what's in the catheter store. I have to say I am a bit disappointed to find none of these urological supply companies have an NFL merchandising license. Therefore there are no catheters sporting a Steelers or Seahawks logo. It would have been interesting to see if they would have put the Steelers logo on just one side of the catheter.