Fake Stuff at Fullerton

The Apocalypse is here. I hear that Emory & Henry is going to install artificial turf on its football field. That's bad enough, but that's not all. When the turf is installed, Fullerton Field will double as a soccer field. Ahhhhhhhhh! Cue REM because it is "The End of the World as We Know It!" An article in Thursday's Bristol Herald Courier about renovations to E&H's Wiley and Byars halls also mentioned about $4 million would be spent to upgrade athletics facilities at the college. The article did not go into specifics, but after some poking around I learned that part of the improvements – if you can call artificial turf an improvement – would be to install turf at Fullerton and possibly construct a field house for indoor tennis and indoor practices for other athletics teams. The athletics upgrades are expected to be completed by 2010, according to the BHC article.

Hungry Hogs

You think your grocery bill is high, try shopping to feed a professional football team. A story in Wednesday's Richmond Times-Dispatch reveals just how much food and money it takes to keep the Washington Redskins going during training camp. According to the article, it takes about $175,000 to $200,000 to keep the Skins' players and staff fed and housed during camp. But of course we know Dan Snyder can easily cover the tab. (According to Forbes, the Redskins are the richest pro sports team in the U.S. with a worth of $1.3 billion.) In camp, the Skins devoured 1,200 pounds of sliced deli meats, 1,500 pounds of chicken breast, 1,200 pounds of beef, 800 pounds each of fish and rice, 75 seedless watermelons and 2,000 eggs. Read the full story here.

NFL 2006: It's Finally Here

The 2006 NFL season is now hours away, and I'm ready to make my picks for the season. I didn’t go too far out on a limb with some of the picks, but some, I think, are surprises. Actually, I just wanted to make a few picks that were different from the prognosticators and hope to get one or two correct so when February rolls around I can say "I told ya so."

AFC East
1. Patriots (D'oh! It pains me to pick the Patsies.)
2. Dolphins *
3. Bills
4. J-E-T-S (Stands for: Just End The Season)

AFC North
1. Bengals (More TDs than arrests? We'll see)
2. Browns (The Dawg Pound will bark again (Who writes this crap?))
3. Steelers (Is there anyone uglier than a Steelers fan? The answer is no.)
4. Ravens (Who cares?)

AFC South
1. Colts
2. Jaguars *
3. Titans (Will start the season 0-1. Go Jets!))
4. Texans (Oh, Celina!)

AFC West
1. Broncos
2. Chargers
3. Chiefs (The Chiefs D will stink, but Herm's just happy to be out of New York.)
4. Raiders (Just signed Ken Stabler to play QB.)

NFC East
1. Giants
2. Cowboys *
3. Eagles
4. Redskins (Please ditch the all white unis, Skins.)

NFC North
1. Bears (No other team is good enough to win this division.)
2. Vikings
3. Lions
4. Packers (Favre will throw 187 interceptions.)

NFC South
1. Bucs
2. Panthers *
3. Falcons
4. Saints

NFC West
1. Seahawks
2. Cardinals
3. Rams
4. 49'ers

* Wild Card team

AFC Championship
Bengals over Patriots
NFC Championship
Bucs over Cowboys

Super Bowl: Bengals over Bucs

That's right, the Bengals will win the Super Bowl. Carson Palmer and the Cincinnati offense will total more points than arrests this season. Chad Johnson will lead the league in touchdown receptions and fines and will perform a choreographed dance number with Shakira in the end zone after scoring a TD against the Steelers during a New Year's Eve game in Cincinnati. Super Bowl XLI will feature two teams with super hot cheerleading squads. I say we match up the two cheer squads to play in this year's Lingerie Bowl. Who's with me?

Surprise Team of the Year: It seems every year a team comes out a black hole to have a successful season. Two years ago it was Carolina, and last year the Redskins made a good run at the end of the season to go fairly deep into the playoffs. So who is the surprise team of 2006? Many say the Cardinals, but that was the sexy pick last season, and I'm not buying into the hype again this year. I think the Browns are ready to make a step up. They will narrowly miss the playoffs, but be much better than people expect and beat out the Steelers for the No. 2 spot in the AFC North. Quarterback Charlie Frye will be the feel-good story of 2006

Most Disappointing Team of the Year: The Steelers will go down and go down hard this year. Pittsburgh was a team that caught a lot of breaks at the end of 2005. You may remember the Steelers needed help from other teams just to get in the playoffs a year ago. They were a Ben Roethlisberger season-saving tackle away from being sent home early from the playoffs by the Colts. Speaking of Roethlisberger, he will go down in week six and be out for the season after Joey Porter accidentally drops a keg of Iron City Beer on the quarterback's throwing hand while celebrating a win over the Chiefs. My runner up for Most Disappointing Team is the Washington Redskins who could have big fat Tony Stewart playing quarterback by mid November.

Things I want to see in the NFL during the 2006 season: Bill Parcells giving T.O. a wedgie on the sidelines after the receiver complains that he's not getting enough passes tossed his way. …The J-E-T-S beat the Patriots by three touchdowns and Bill Belichick resigns by leaving a note in the middle of the field that reads, "I resign as HC of the NEP ASAP FU." (Maybe you have to be a Jets fan to thinks that's funny.) …Speaking of the Jets, I want to see coach Eric Mangini have a salad every once in a while. Have you seen that gut? Holy step away from the buffet, Batman. …I want to see an official statement by President Bush saying the Dallas Cowboys and the Atlanta Braves are not America's teams. However, Bush will say Texas is America's state. …I want to see Ben Roethlisberger forget to wear his helmet during a play. That would be hilarious and have such irony. …I want to see DirecTV mistakenly hookup me up with the NFL Sunday Ticket and not charge me one penny. …In the playoffs, I want to see Terrell Owens have a Bill Buckner-like moment. …I want to see Tom Coughlin yell "Serenity Now!" when facing tough questions from the New York media following a Giants loss. …I want to see the Jets sign a sexy female kicker from Russia. Now that's fantasy football. …I want to hear the Tony Kornheiser talk on Monday Night Football broadcast in the same style he talks on PTI and his radio show. Has anyone thought of dumping Mike Tirico and Joe Theismann and putting Michael Wilbon in the Monday Night booth with Mr. Tony? …I don’t want to hear a word of discussion about whether Brett Favre will play next season. …I want to see Bill Cower's face get stuck that way, at least for a couple of hours, during a cold game in Cleveland.

So long and good night and good luck. Enjoy the season. It’s finally here!

E&H Football Hits Radio Dead Air

Emory & Henry College football fans in Southwest Virginia who hope to listen to the team's games on the radio this season will be out of luck. WOLD radio in Marion, which has carried the games for a few years, has decided not to broadcasts Wasps games in 2006. Bummer. I don’t know for sure, but maybe the lack of advertising dollars played a role in the station's decision. The games can be heard on campus station, WEHC 90.7, if you are within yelling distance of the E&H campus. Also, if you have time to stay glued to your computer on Saturday afternoons, you can listen via the Internet.

The Wasps began the 2006 campaign Saturday at Fullerton Field with a 1 p.m. kickoff against non-conference foe Marietta (Ohio) College. The Pioneers won last year's contest played at Marietta, 25-7. I'm predicting an upset win for the Wasps this year.

E&H 17 Marietta 14

Speaking of Marietta, it's been two years now since the team's Don Drumm Stadium, and the town of Marietta, was flooded with water up to eight-feet high. Here's a link to a Web site with a few photos of the Sept. 2004 flood. According to the Web site, the flood came shortly after new turf was installed on the field.

I just turned down two tickets to Saturday's University of Tennessee football game against No. 8 California in Knoxville. What was I thinking? (I said "thinking," not "drinking.") I've never been to a game in Knoxville, and I have a feeling I don’t want to be there when they begin their season with a loss. My good friend Beano Cook said today that Tennessee will win. What's he putting in his soup?

Getting back to local small college teams, UVa-Wise kicks off its home season Saturday night against North Greenville College Crusaders out of Tigerville, S.C. (Do you suppose there's a team somewhere called the Tigers that is from a town called Crusaderville?) Under the lights at Carl Smith Stadium is a great place to watch a football game, and the UVa-Wise co-eds. I was there for the team's first night game a couple of years back. The place was packed and it was a great game atmosphere. I still hate artificial turf, though. It stinks.

I thought I read something yesterday on the Coalfield Progress Web site about Saturday night being fan appreciation night at Smith Stadium. Don’t hold me to that. I went back to today to check, but when I click on story links on the Coalfield site, a message pops up telling me the stories are only available to paid subscribers. Phbbbt! Well, that ends my reading of that newspaper. Isn't providing news to people living outside the coverage area part of the purpose of a newspaper's Web site?

Virginia Tech opens its season Saturday at Lane Stadium against Northeastern. Are you kidding me? Northeastern? Isn’t it a Division 1-AA school? Couldn't the Hokies at least play Northwestern, a Big Ten school? This game Saturday is going to be ugly. The Tech athletics department should charge about a buck and a half for tickets to this game – a give away free hotdogs. Jeez.

The NFL regular season begins next Thursday in Pittsburgh with the Steelers taking on the over-hyped Dolphins. Many experts have the 'Phins pegged to have a great season and some are predicting a Super Bowl appearance for the team with the ugliest uniform color combination in professional sports. That's nuts! The Patriots will win the AFC East again, and Dolphins will finish 9-7 at best. These lofty picks are a result of the team's long winning streak at the end of last season. It was six games, I think, against some pretty crummy teams. Plus, that streak began after the Dolphins lost 22-zip to the Browns. Ha! Here's a prediction for ya: the Dolphins will lose at least one game to my J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.

Speaking of the J-E-T-S, am I the only Jets fan in Virginia? For Virginians' sake, I hope so. Cheering for the Gang Green is a miserable existence.

All right, that's enough for today. I'm going to get a six pack of root beer and watch the Jets play the Eagles tonight.

Small College Gridiron Notes

Including the game at Wise (see previous post), Emory &Henry's junior varsity football team will play six games this season. Coach Don Montgomery started the junior squad last year when he took over as head coach of the Wasps. There is no schedule or mention yet of a j.v. squad on the UVa-Wise athletics Web site, but sources close to the team (I can't write that without laughing) say the E&H game is the only game on the slate thus far. This will be the first season for the Cavs' j.v. squad. …According to ehcsports.com, the unofficial/official Web site for E&H athletics, the Wasps had 144 players report to practice, a record number. …The following is old news, but I thought I'd include it for no other reason than to fill out space: EA Sports "NCAA '07 Football" features the Emory & Henry shift plays made popular by Steve Spurrier when he coached at Florida. You may remember Spurrier used the plays a few years back to help the Gators win an SEC title game. The spread formation plays are accessible in the video game via the South Carolina playbook. Spurrier, who now coaches the Gamecocks, claims he saw the Wasps run the plays at a game during his youth in Johnson City, Tenn. You can see a demonstration of one of the plays at the EA SportsWeb site. …Brian Saunders nearly signed to play football and baseball at E&H this season, according to an article today in The (Lynchburg) News & Advance. However, Virginia Tech snatched him away to walk on as a kicker. Now Saunders, from Nelson County, is quarterbacking the Hokies' scout team. …In case you missed it, the Wasps are picked to tie for sixth with Catholic this season in the ODAC race. …You know how we like cheerleaders. They are a fundamental part of the game. Well, that might be stretching things a bit. Anyway, most small college cheerleaders Web sites contain little more than a team photo. However, the cheerleaders at UVa-Wise do an excellent job of maintaining their site with updated information, team bios, photos and even video clips. Here's the link.

Wasps and Cavs to meet on the gridiron -- sort of

For more than 10 years now, small college football fans in Southwest Virginia have been clamoring for two area teams to hunker down against each other on the gridiron. You know what I'm talking about. Emory & Henry and UVa-Wise are separated by a little more than an hour drive, but haven’t hooked up on the field since a couple of meetings in the mid-90s, both of which the Wasps won over a Cavaliers' program that was still in its infancy. However, for the first time since 1995, the teams are scheduled to meet on the football field, but it's not exactly what fans want. The Wasps and Cavaliers will do battle in Wise, Nov. 6 in, uh, a junior varsity game at Carl Smith Stadium. That's right, j.v. Well, maybe that's a start to something bigger, right? Maybe. Maybe not. Folks in Wise want to play E&H, my alma mater, so bad it makes their toes hurt. Conversely, the Waspers want no part of playing the Cavs since playing an NAIA school somehow creates a negative in the Division III rankings for the Blue and Gold club and could potentially damage any playoff hopes for the Wasps. That was the way it was explained to me, anyway. If that's the case, who can blame E&H for not scheduling UVa-Wise? This j.v. game, I hope, is a positive step toward establishing a great football rivalry that would create a huge buzz and bragging rights among fans and alumni of the two schools. And let's face it. Both schools need each other on their respective schedules. E&H and UVa-Wise are in tough conferences that have them playing against teams that regularly compete for the national title. But how many fans actually go to Fullerton Field on a Saturday afternoon to see the Wasps play Bridgewater? I'm betting not too many. If you were to quiz fans entering Carl Smith Stadium on a fall Saturday, I'm sure many of those couldn't tell you and wouldn't care who the Cavs were playing that day. However, if the opponent were Emory & Henry, everybody would care.

Notes
Oh, Celina
Naked Bootleg's favorite cheerleader, Celina of the Houston Texans, is back for her third season with the dance squad. Check out this photo on the Texans Web site of Celina wearing shoulder pads.

Mangini letting down the curtain a bit?
I'm a Jets fan, and I'm really starting to like new coach Eric Mangini. He's taken a lot of heat from reporters about the level of secrecy at the team's training camp so far. He has refused to name a starting quarterback and he hasn't released a depth chart. That's a lesson he learned under mentor Bill Belichick in New England. But, according to Tom Rock's Jets Blog on Newsday.com, the 35-year-old coach is becoming a bit more comfortable and personal with the tough New York media. Thursday, Rock wrote:

Mangini had one of his most engaging press meetings today. He wasn’t spilling the playbook (or even the depth chart), but he seems to be getting more and more comfortable with the daily briefings. He spoke about some personal things besides football today, such as his pregame routine of talking with his kids and his thoughts on being “the young guy.” He even cracked a few jokes on his way out of the room. He’s no Johnny Carson, but then again, neither is Jay Leno.

Cowboy Dreamin'

Many football fans dream of running through the end zone of their favorite team, but few go through the trouble of creating an end zone in their back yards. But that's exactly what my pal Chad in the J.C. has done. A Dallas Cowboys fan from the Roger Staubach, Tony Dorsett and Ed Too Tall Jones era, Chad bought a stencil that replicates the 'Boys end zone lettering. Periodically, he spreads the stencil at one end of his back yard, and lets fly with the white paint. About 45 minutes and three cans of spray paint later, voila, Chad has a virtual Texas Stadium just outside his back door. "My friends love it and can't resist running into when they see it," Chad said. Soon, Chad may soon add pylons and possibly a goal post to his back yard end zone.

Vols to play Huskers but no need for tickets rush

Talk about planning ahead. The University of Tennessee football program announced Thursday that it will play a home-and-home series with Nebraska – beginning in 2016. Are you kidding me? Are we so hungry for football news that we need to know the Vols schedule 10 years in advance? You bet! The NFL Network claims that football season never ends, and that has become as certain as a sellout crowd at Neyland Stadium. Modern conveniences such as the Internet, satellite TV and radio and cell phones that receive up-to-the-minute scores allow sports junkies to never miss a score or headline concerning their favorite sports and teams. This puts extra pressure on sports organizations and media outlets to get more and more information to the public. The demand for news is sky high and it never ends. That's one reason why we found out Thursday, just more than 10 weeks before the 2006 season kicks off, that the Vols are already working on games that begin in 10 years. Does anyone have the early line on that game?

NFL in London? Be careful what you wish for

The NFL announced Thursday it will not schedule a 2006 regular season game in London, scuttling plans for a contest in the new Wembley Stadium. The extended time it took for owners and players to reach a collective bargaining deal, and perhaps the delay on the Wembley Stadium construction, may have prompted the league to ixnay its plans for this season. You can bet the mortgage, however, that a game will be played in England or some European city in 2007. It's inevitable as the NFL looks to expand American football globally. Playing games outside U.S. borders seems like a fantastic idea. And, for now, it is a great idea to spread our country's new national pastime to other lands. However, the league's plans today may not look so good in, say, the year 2055. That, perhaps, is when some wise guy NFL commissioner has a brilliant idea for a World American Football Classic, and the U.S. team promptly gets it butt kicked and eliminated in the first round because the rest of the world has gotten so frickin' good at our game. I can see it now. Prior to the first contest, FIFA, the governing body of soccer – the other game the rest of the world calls football – will propose a bet to NFL Commissioner Wiseguy that will call for us Americans, if we lose the WAFC, to change the name of our game and let the rest of the world keep the name football. Then, Germany, after numerous years of observing NFL Europe games (Who knew they were watching?), eliminates the U.S. team in round one. Now, upon losing, we Americans have to change the name of the most popular game in the U.S. "You shall change your game's name to Turdball," the then FIFA president will say to Americans in a live news conference from London's William Jefferson Clinton Stadium. "We chose that name because your game's ball looks like a giant rat turd." Can you imagine 50 years from now seeing John Madden's severed head on a robotic body announcing games for the National Turdball League?